Since
several friends in the
blogosphere have linked to my site, I'm not really sure of my readership anymore. :) When I started this site, my intent was to keep a record of what I had been reading and (possibly) make some book recommendations to my mom, my sisters, and two other friends (kka and Tanya--that's you!). Now this space has become much
more, but reading continues to be a significant part of how I process and deal with things. (And, to satisfy my curiousity, perhaps my repeat visitors might indicate how they got here?)
I haven't really been able concentrate on reading, but I've been "skimming" some books. If you are one of my blog readers who recommended a book to me earlier, please don't think that your recommendations have been ignored. I just need to coordinate thinking of the book with the opportunity to actually acquire it. :) As always, other recommendations are always appreciated.
- Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby, Deborah L. Davis. This seems to be the "go to" book for those who have experienced pregnancy loss or the death of an infant. I had a number of people recommend this book to me, and it seems to be the one book that each person I know who has experienced loss has read. Since I had read quite a few books on the subject before I read this one, it didn't seem to say anything new or especially enlightening. It did, however, strike me as very comprehensive and very realistic. If I was not the "reading type" and only wanted one book on the topic of grieving for your baby, this book would have done the job very well.
- After the Darkest Hour, the Sun Will Shine Again: A Parent's Guide to Coping With the Loss of a Child, Elizabeth Mehren. I have to confess that I did not like this book very much. Perhaps it would be more relevant to someone who has experienced the loss of an older child, rather than a stillbirth (?). The book has 18 short chapters, and each chapter has a "feature story" about a family that has experienced loss. I suppose the intention is to show the reader that s/he is not alone, that others have faced the death of a child and have survived it. I'm willing to concede that this book might merit a second reading, that my judgment may be unfair because I was looking for something else while I was reading it. But, at this point, it isn't a book that I would offer to my grieving friend.
- A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss (Guidance and Support for You and Your Family), Ingrid Kohn, M. S. W. and Perry-Lynn Moffitt, with Isabelle A. Wilkins, M. D. Like the first book listed here, this book is a fairly comprehensive one. A lot of the content focuses on different medical conditions and situations that contribute to pregnancy loss, and so didn't really apply to my situation. The book lends itself, however, to selective reading--that is allowing the reader to pick and choose chapters and sections that are relevant and applicable. As such, it is a very comprehensive book and one that I would give to someone who had experienced a loss recently.
- One Year Book of Hope, Nancy Guthrie. This book was recommended and given to me by a dear friend. It is a daily devotional that is organized by week and by theme. The content and focus allows for ups and downs of grief--you do not need read this book chronologically. As anyone who is going through the "grief journey" knows, the movement through grief is not linear. One does not pass through a stage of grief and complete it. Each day contains forward and backward and repeated steps--so much so that I often feel like I am making no "progress" at all. This devotional, however, brings me back to God's Word and allows me, in some overall-sense, to recognize that I am being carried forward in my grief--carried forward by God's grace.
In other reading...
Each week I come home from the library with a bag full of books that have caught my eye, but don't get read. This week I made a concerted effort to actually sit and read. Next week is a meeting for Book Club #2 (which I may or may not attend). The choice is
The Colony of Unrequited Dreams, by Wayne Johnston. I have read this book before, as well as
The Custodian of Paradise (see my comments
here). This book is
described as
at once a mystery and a love story spanning five decades and an epic portrait of passion and ambition set against the beautiful, brutal landscape of Newfoundland. In this widely acclaimed novel Johnston has created two of the most memorable characters in recent fiction: Joey Smallwood, who claws his way up from poverty to become Newfoundland's first premier; and Sheilagh Fielding, who renounces her father's wealth to become a popular columnist and writer, a gifted satirist who casts a haunting shadow on Smallwood's life and career.
Although I haven't been reading as closely and carefully as the book deserves, I am enjoying it. It is especially interesting to read in the light of
The Custodian of Paradise, as many of the interactions between Smallwood and Fielding take on a more significant dimension if the reader remembers Fielding's "account" of the events.
Book Club # 1 meets the following week. Again, the choice is a book that I have read before:
No Great Mischief, by Alistair MacLeod. Since being introduced to his short stories in a university English course, MacLeod has been one of my favourite Canadian authors. Maybe next week I'll write more about this book.
***
And finally...this is something that really deserves its own post, but here it is--advice needed. For those of you who have had to choose a grave marker for your child(ren), how did you choose what to put on it (beyond name and date)? I have only been to graveyard once since we buried Tabitha. I don't think I'll go back until we have a marker for her, but we have been putting it off. To me, this seems like the final act, the last thing we have to do to make her death real. I dread it but also need it to be done to feel like we are acknowledging our daughter properly...sweet baby Tabitha...
